HOT FLASH: ISIS Takes Responsibility for Deflation-Gate

isis

We’ve seen this movie before. Or have we? A barren desert background, a masked Islamic terrorist or two, the ISIS flag, a forlorn prisoner in an orange jumpsuit, kneeling on the ground.

This time, however, something’s different.

Rather than their usual garb, the Islamists are bedecked in ash colored hunting shirts and leggings; tri-corned hats sit firmly atop their heads. Their hands hold not beheading swords, but 18th century muskets. The prisoner bears a marked resemblance to Terry Bradshaw, former star quarterback and now erstwhile Football analyst.

Peering into the camera, the two terrorists begin with a haunting chant: “Je suis Belichick.” It is repeated thrice in sober tones; concluding with a prayerful coda, “The Patriots are all-knowing. The Patriots are great.”

The taller of the two speaks: “Let the truth be known. We are the ones behind Deflate-Gate. We alone are responsible for letting the air out of the balls.

This is no isolated incident, but part of a larger plan to subvert America’s most treasured institution. Who do you think is responsible for the epidemic of brain dysfunction among NFL athletes? Amazing what a few well placed terrorists can accomplish by simply spiking a team’s Gatorade.

As to the violence against women by NFL athletes, these are not random events but the result of organized brainwashing by our operatives of athletes who have received training in the proper role of women and their subservience to their husbands.

You cannot outrun our reach. ISIS is everywhere.” The other terrorist interjects, “I hate to be a nudge, but I believe that’s ISIL.” “Whatever, the first replies, “You say ‘ISIS,’ I say ‘ISIL;’ let’s just cut the infidel’s head off.”

He continues. “Let the entire sports world know that we and we alone have the balls to play the Superbowl. They are nestled comfortably but firmly in our hands.

Our demands are simple and straightforward. If you want to save the life of this worthless broadcaster, and proceed with this inane contest, send us two (holding up two fingers) tickets for the game, on the fifty yard line, priority mail to Joe Terrorist, PO Box 6666, San’a, Yemen, 9-11-2001.”

The other terrorist holds up five fingers.

“See you in Glendale,” they call out in unison, as a third terrorist comes into the picture, wearing a Seahawk 12th man jersey and clutching a picture of Russell Wilson.

The screen goes dark.

Posted on Huffingtonpost by Larry Paros on HP

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